Episode 46 – IA A Friend’s perspective

Debbie: Hello and welcome to Inflammatory with Debbie.

Katy: And Katy.

Debbie: This is the podcast where we chat honestly, laugh loudly and don’t shy away from the real stuff of living with inflammatory arthritis. Today we’re delighted to be joined by Cat one of Katy’s closest friends, or as she might say, one of her prized Pokémon cards. If that makes no sense to you, please go back and listen to last week’s episode. It was quite amusing. This month, our theme is love, friendship and chronic illness. And in this episode, we’re exploring it from a different angle. shares her perspective and what it’s like to support a friend through a diagnosis of inflammatory arthritis. The challenges, the emotions and the lessons learned along the way. So Cat, thank you again for joining us. Can you just start with telling a little bit about yourself and how you met Katy?

Cat: Hi, thanks for having me. My name is Cat. I met Katy through work early 2006.

Katy: Think so, yes, yeah.

Cat: Yeah, so we both worked together in Wilmslow and hit it off quite quickly and have stayed friends. It’s an awful long time, isn’t it? And I’ve stayed friends all this time.

Debbie: Wow, so what was your first impression of Katy?

Cat: Fun, I definitely think fun. obviously very good dancer. So we worked in quite a social environment. There was lots of going out after work. I say very, very quickly learned that Katy was good fun and not a great driver.

Debbie: Hahaha!

Katy: I did tell Debbie a little bit about the car I had.

Debbie: Hehehehe

Cat: Yeah, the car, if you can call it a car, it just about had four wheels and…

Debbie: There’s a door that wouldn’t close going round and round about, right, you survived.

Katy: Yeah. Yeah.

Cat: Yeah, I did survive. I was always allowed in the front. So, you know, I think that’s probably why I’m still here today. But yeah, I used to go round a roundabout at Katy’s speed and the door would just open mid roundabout. quite a lot of fun, didn’t we? think we were in an environment where there was quite a bit of socializing and exhibiting and going out.

Katy: We did. Yep.

Cat: So we were usually the first ones on the dance floor and the last ones off the dance floor I think it’s fair to say. So relatively short lived, think it was only about just under a year probably that we worked together but obviously got close enough that that has carried on for another 20 years.

Katy: Yes, yeah.

Debbie: Wow, yes, would be, yeah, you met 20 years ago, it is 2026.

Katy: God, yeah, it’s 20 years this year. Wow. actually pretty much this month, because it was really, it was the start of the year, wasn’t it, that we all started working together. Yeah.

Cat: Yeah, the January. So yeah.

Debbie: Well, happy friendship anniversary. It’s a great milestone. Yeah. We’ll have to send you something.

Katy: Just work that out. Just work that one out.

Cat: Thank you. I deserve a medal. Yeah, so yeah, so that’s how it all kind of kicked off and then after that we sort of stayed in touch and you moved down to London, was that later in 2006?

Katy: Yeah. Yes. Yeah, it was later that year. Yeah.

Cat: And then I just became a regular visitor.

Katy: You did, you used to come down all of the time and then I’d try and come back up. there was a few of us, wasn’t there, that stayed in touch for a little bit of time

Cat: Yeah and I think that was it. I mean, I always remember your whistle stop tours of London where you would go the shortcut way and take me through all the back alleys. So I never got to see any of the sites or anything that anybody else saw. She was like, no, we’ll just go the shortcut way. And we went around the back of buildings where there was lots of skips and bins.

Debbie: Right. Okay.

Katy: I’m not a great tour guide.

Debbie: I was going to say not a tour guide Katy.

Cat: No, no.

Katy: Don’t worry about the sites. This will get us to where we want to be much faster.

Cat: Yes, and it did, but I didn’t have a clue where I was. I felt like I went to London and kind of the surrounding areas a lot and couldn’t get from A to B.

Debbie: Fair enough. Well done, Katy.

Katy: Yeah, yeah, well done, me And I had a question actually, before I was diagnosed, had you ever heard of inflammatory arthritis or rheumatoid arthritis?

Cat: I think I was thinking about this and kind of going back over my knowledge and I think I probably was and still am to an extent quite ignorant. So I think probably my perception was there is one arthritis, maybe not the different variations and that arthritis is something that you get when you are older and it means that your joints hurt

Katy: Yep. Yeah. Yep.

Cat: sometimes and that is probably the great extent of my knowledge at the time I would say since then it’s probably expanded but I still feel like I’m probably very ignorant compared to somebody that has gone through that and looked into it and kind of lived and breathed it. I probably know more about it since obviously your diagnosis and probably COVID as well. think COVID brought it a little bit more. Well, why do you need to shield? What that got to do with bones and that kind of, and I’m like, I’m quite open to saying that because I would imagine that there’s probably an awful lot of people that are in the same boat unless it has touched them in a way. So yeah I think probably being open quite ignorant and to all the other things that it affects and that’s been a bit of a learning curve.

Katy: Yep, no, 100%.

Debbie: Yes. Yeah, I think there is a lot of awareness still to do out there because even though you say it was 20 years ago, that’s when you started knowing each other. When were you then diagnosed, Katy? I should know this. Okay, so you had about five years.

Katy: So was in 2011, four, five years. We actually went to a friend’s wedding in Australia. And that was when a lot of my symptoms were first coming in. So I did wonder, Cat, if you can remember Australia. So I’ll always remember it because, the heat really affected, I had like sausage fingers for the majority of the time there. And I’m sure I mentioned it, but I don’t know if you remember that and if what you thought was going on, whether you thought it was just a reaction to the heat or anything more on toward.

Cat: Yeah. I do remember the sausage fingers, because I can very clearly remember the sausage fingers. I’ll go with that, because that’s what you called them. So we’ll lead with that. But I just remember you were struggling to do things that you could do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Katy: Yep. Yeah, because we had a surfing lesson and I pretty much got taken out to sea.

Debbie: Gosh

Cat: I mean, I was genuinely scared for my life doing it. Yeah, it was quite difficult. It was really hard, wasn’t it, It was really hard.

Katy: I had to be rescued. It was really hard, but when your hands and wrists are hurting and you don’t know why, it was really hard.

Debbie: Because I suppose you went on the board, you’re having to paddle.

Katy: Well, well, and try

Cat: and you have to carry it just down to the beach to get there was quite challenging.

Katy: and stand up. You have to try and, yeah. And we were learning how to stand up on the board. Yeah. Yeah.

Debbie: Yeah. Stand, yeah, from standing you put a lot of pressure on your hands, don’t you? Especially when it’s, when you’re then out in sea, it’s that unbalance of it all. And yeah, it would, oh, that even, even the thought of that really hurts my hands. Oh my God.

Katy: Yeah. And yeah, it was awful.

Cat: And we didn’t really know what was going on. So we were kind of joking about these sausage fingers, but I do remember some, I was thinking about, remember some minor things like I had to do loads of your buttons and things like that for you when we were getting ready and jewellery and things like that, because you were just like, my fingers, like they’re so swollen. I’ve got this image as well. Think there was some steps down to the beach in front of where we were staying and you needed help.

Katy: Yes, yeah.

Cat: to get up and down the steps. I remember there was a bar, and you were trying to hold onto the bar, but your fingers were still hurting on the bar. this is very un-Katy know, somebody that had always been very physical and quite sporty and, you danced for a long, long time. I think it was quite a shock, I suppose, to go from that to seeing you struggling. How old would you have been then? Yeah.

Katy: Yeah, and because, so when we went to the wedding, I must have been 27 because I was diagnosed when I was 28.

Cat: Mm.

Katy: So at the time we were living in different locations, weren’t we? So you wouldn’t have seen me that regularly. So I guess actually that probably makes it more of a shock potentially, I don’t know.

Cat: Yeah, and I think like you say, the heat probably took it to another level for you anyway. So, I think you could tell even you were a bit like, well, I have been having some symptoms, but this is really now quite acute. And I know we went as a sort of part of the hen party over there, we went bowling as well, didn’t we? did bowl. Yeah.

Katy: Yes, we did. That was on the first day, because can you remember we arrived absolutely exhausted from like a 24-hour flight and we had to go straight on a hen party. So all these things, now knowing what I know about inflammatory arthritis, were the worst thing possible. No sleep. Then going out drinking, bowling

Cat: Yeah, the heat, the lack of sleep, the flying.

Debbie: Well, so could you then bowl or not?

Cat: getting frustrated because I was doing quite well and you’re more sporty than me and I normally…

Debbie: That might just be her competitive side.

Cat: Yeah. And I think that I do remember that as well, that you were struggling a little bit with that. But it is in a bit of a vacuum, isn’t it? Because you were there and it was even you thought that it was quite extreme and it was the heat and it was the travel and everything else that…

Katy: Yes

Cat: that went on and like you say, I probably missed the initial bits of the symptoms. So yes, I do remember Australia. We went in a cave as well, down those steps into a cave. Yeah, yeah. And again, you were a bit like just needing help. So, you know, 27 year old,

Katy: yeah, I totally forgotten about that. Yeah. Did I actually ask for help? Yeah.

Cat: I don’t think you asked, I think you were just like, give me that shoulder, let me just lean on you. I’m coming down and that was it. So, you know, again, 27 and.

Katy: Yeah, I do remember now, celebrated my 28th birthday in Sydney and then it was that summer that I was diagnosed.

Debbie: okay. Katy, just thinking for you though, so when you were in Australia, you didn’t know really what was going on, but you knew it was probably something more than just the heat. and having your friends there, your Pokémon cards, did you ever think of just having a chat with them to actually say, do you think this is serious? Do you think I need to be doing something or it’s just holiday. When I get back, everything will be okay.

Katy: Yeah. No, and I’m not really somebody that would open up and tell people that something’s wrong.

Debbie: Yeah, I think quite a lot of people are like that though, especially at that age, because you don’t want to think that there’s something wrong. And I suppose, Cat, you know, on the flip side of that, you probably didn’t really want to ask too many questions because no one knew the answers anyway. And, you’ve just on holiday, the heat and everything. And it’s just, it’s just one of those things, possibly.

Katy: Yeah.

Cat: I think Katy, you deal with things with humour probably in quite a similar way than I do. So, I think it was probably an element of humour to it. And I also think it’s like with anything, you know, when people try and guess if somebody else is pregnant or having a baby or anything like that, I always think it’s their news to give you when they want to. So, you know, I don’t know, I always find asking people questions about their health to be a matter where I always generally let people lead and tell me what they want to tell me and hope that they know that I’m there if and when they do. Because sometimes you just need that bit time to get used to it yourself, don’t you?

Katy: Yep. Yeah.

Debbie: Yeah, and it must have been hard cat for you to see Katy struggling so much, know, and how active and everything she was. How did that make you feel?

Cat: I think it was quite a shock. Think back now on it probably more so than I did then. think because there’s a lot of other things going on. Like you say, we landed and then we were going out and you’re looking at it in a vacuum now. But obviously there was lots of other things. were moving locations, weren’t we? Quite a bit. We stayed in several locations. So I don’t think it was anything I massively…sat and dwelled upon while we were there. I think I was just mentally making notes to go, okay, we need to kind of check in and find out where this goes when I get back and what this means. So I think it was just, I don’t know, I’m quite relaxed. I do quite roll with things and go with it. And I think it was probably afterwards more so when we got home that the penny maybe started to drop a bit more when there wasn’t as many moving parts going on.

Debbie: Yeah. And did you then ask Katy, she been to the GP or you know, what’s going on? Do you feel better now?

Cat: Yeah, I think, see, I was thinking about this as well, because I don’t think you ever directly came out and told me. I don’t think you did. I think you drip fed me lots of bits of information, in typical Katy style and got me to draw my own lines together. So I don’t think you ever sat me down and went, by the way, I’ve had some tests, I’ve had my results and this is what it is.

Katy: No, I don’t think I did.

Cat: I think you led me to it by dropping into conversations about medication and then it was red meat. was like, yeah. And I was like, you did, you did go pescatarian.

Katy: yeah. So, I went pescatarian, didn’t I? Yeah.

 Cat: So, we were going out to eat and you were kind of like, no, I don’t eat red meats anymore. And it was drinks as well. So, sort of alcohol. And I think you led me, more like dropped hints to me to put it together myself.

Katy: I gave you a jigsaw puzzle.

Cat: Yeah, jigsaw puzzle of bits of information. So I think by that point, I worked it out myself because I think at some point there was a bit of it, is it, is it from too much dancing as well? I seem to remember that, you know, just, just did too much when I was younger and that’s put my body under some strain. And I think, yeah, I think it was, it was very drip fed.

Katy: Over many years.

Cat: And I think a big one that stands out for me actually is probably the most honest that you have been about it was I think when you were planning to have a baby and then I started to understand probably a bit more about what that looked like and how much sort of planning had to go into that in terms of medication and things. And I think that’s probably when the penny really started to drop that this was not just some sausage fingers and bit of tablets and a bit of changes to diet but this was actually something that affected a lot of things that I’ve got no idea.

Debbie: So, looking back in hindsight, would it have been better, do you think, for Katy to have sat down and spoken to you about it? everyone’s different and obviously Katy did just feed it to you over many years. So, I just wondered, would you have preferred her to, sat down with you and gone through, this is my diagnosis and this is what it means. These are all the other symptoms that are involved in this, like the brain fog, the emotional impact of it all. The fatigue, that’s a really big one as well and the pain and everything else that goes along with it.

Cat: Yeah, probably. I think it’s anything, isn’t it? Looking back with hindsight, you probably didn’t feel like you were ready to do that. Whereas now you probably feel in a much better position and would maybe go back and do things differently understanding some more of the day-to-day side of things. I think like you mentioned there, brain fog, fatigue. What triggers. But I think probably, yeah, particularly the brain fog and what that impacts, why that impact, just like impact your working day. Does that mean that actually we need to do some different things? So, when I come and visit, know, does that mean that the plans need to change? Would you prefer to do something else instead of, going out and eating and drinking and kind of catching up? Does the day look different? Probably, like I say, it’s different, isn’t it, with children, because they are all different. I think like I say, you must have given me a lot more information on kind of what getting pregnant and being pregnant would be like. But then I’m guessing that obviously, you what that means afterwards and things like that and what challenges, because again, in my perception, like, you carried on, you might should do your marathons and things like this as well. So, it’s, okay, on the one hand, you can do a marathon, but on another bit, you can’t get up in the morning and it’s.

Katy: Yep. Yeah, and that’s the tricky bit. Yes.

Cat: you know, it’s interesting. Yeah. Yeah.

Katy: It’s really hard to comprehend, isn’t it? If you don’t live with it, seeing someone being able to do certain things, but then two days later might be in bed or, you know, I think it’s really tricky. And I think it can be quite hard to explain as the actual person with it sort of, because you sound a bit strange when you say, oh yeah, I’m training for a marathon. Oh no, but I can’t get out of bed today. it’s…

Cat: Yeah, because I think you do. Yeah, and you don’t want to feel like you’re justifying it or having to justify it to somebody, do you? It’s just that’s what it is today, and I wish it wasn’t like that today, but it is like that today and that’s the way it is. So yeah, I think it’d be lovely, it, if you could catch everything that you know now and kind of give that information to me at the time. But I suppose you didn’t have that information to give me at the time because you didn’t know yourself. Yeah.

Katy: Yeah. Also, I didn’t know, I didn’t know, and I was petrified that I wouldn’t be able to do anything within about five years. So I think I was trying to not, deal with that in a sense.

Cat: Very head in the sand a little bit. And obviously, you know, things have moved forward like podcasts and things like that, you know, weren’t really commonplace back then. So I guess, you know, maybe it’s a bit easier now for you to go and get information that could be, well thought out and relied upon. Whereas it was probably much more difficult to get high quality information and listen to people’s lived experiences.

Katy: Yes.

Cat: When your diagnosis first came out so you probably didn’t know yourself to be able to tell me.

Katy: Yeah, well with social media actually, if I was going to a hospital appointment, you generally see people my age now and upwards. So, you felt like you didn’t belong in that setting or in that world. But now with social media being more prevalent, I think there was Facebook at the time, but I think it only maybe just launched, you find loads of people in a similar position.

Debbie: Yeah, it is that extra community, isn’t it? As well, because I think it is very hard to explain to friends when I was diagnosed, trying to explain to an eight-year-old, even I had no idea what was really going on. As you say that there is a lot more information, but there’s also a lot of misinformation as well and all these misconceptions of it. And this is again, why we’re doing the podcast and, Cat, having you on really gives that different perspective into what life is like and actually how do we tell our friends and having someone as supportive as you, that’s quite unique because some friends, and I’ve had it, it’s just like, well, if you can’t do that today, you know, after so many times, there’s no point even inviting her out because you’ll probably say no, so don’t. But it’s having that supportive friendship, you’ve bonded so well beforehand, but then seeing your friend struggle and then get the diagnosis. But obviously you must be so proud of her now though, and seeing how great that she is and what she’s doing as well.

Cat: Yeah, no, is. It is. It’s lovely to see and it’s nice that like our lives we’ve always intertwined, haven’t we? And obviously like we’re both working again back quite closely to each other in quite a similar sector again,

Katy: in quite a similar sector again, so.

Cat: quite close to each other.

Debbie: Full circle

Cat:  So, we have this full circle we go and it is nice to be able to hear you and what you’ve gone through, but in still quite a positive way because I think that’s quite important as well and to show that yes, you were quite young and that came as a bit of a shock but you have still gone on to do these things very successfully.

Katy: Yeah, and Cat came to see me in the opening ceremony of the Olympics. Yeah.

Cat: I did, I did, I watched you dance in that. Yes, you didn’t think there was going to be anybody there that you knew, did you, when I was in the audience? So that was really nice as well, that was really good.

Debbie: Could you actually see each other I watched it on the TV. It looked amazing

Cat: It was and the atmosphere was great and I could kind of see the area where all the glitter balls were so I knew where she was and where she was dancing and I’d seen the outfit and things so I knew what to look for which was really good. So that was really nice. But yeah, lots, lots of really good, I think, overwhelmingly positive memories and experiences and things, isn’t it? Some really, really…

Debbie: No, fantastic. Yeah.

Cat: good times, haven’t we? And then like you say, there’s obviously been challenges. But yeah, I think you’ve just overcome them really, well and definite Katy style. And now, yeah, and now I get to listen to your voice whenever I want to and just pop on and listen to a podcast.

Katy: Lot of people have said they’ve learned more about me listening to this podcast than they have, having known me either 20 or 40 years. So that’s telling.

Cat: And again, I think that’s probably you getting loads out of it, isn’t it? Because that’s obviously, you feel more comfortable maybe expressing it in this situation and in these circumstances than, you know, just sitting a friend down one to one and going.

Katy: A have a let’s have a let’s have a chat about our feeling’s person. But I can kind of do it on here. It’s really odd.

Debbie: No, I’m not either, be fair. So no, I get it. And you know that you’re helping others. I think, this is why again, we’ve set up the charity as well, because it’s not just us. Everyone has probably gone through so much of what we’ve gone through, but no one talks about it. That’s the thing. And actually, hearing them people talking about it, my gosh, I resonate with that. That’s just me. And I think having, you those friendships as well. And even if you don’t want to sit down and have a cup of tea and say, look, this is what’s going on. It’ll be just have a listen to this. This is actually what our life is like.

Katy: Yeah

Debbie: And this is what goes on behind the scenes. There are some days that are absolutely rubbish and we really do struggle not only with our physical health, but our mental health as well. having that friendship and for you to get that understanding goes so far in trying to help us, but support us, in the friendship that you both have. And I think it’s great.

Katy: Well, thank you Cat and thank you for coming on this.

Cat: you are very welcome. Thank you for having me and I hope that’s been useful.

Debbie: It really has. think having that different perspective on it is really, I’ve learned a lot about Katy as well. Cat, thank you so much for your time. But please don’t forget to rate and follow the podcast from wherever you get your podcasts from. You can actually download them as well. So you’ll see any new episodes when they come up. Please do get in touch on social media. We really want to keep this conversation going. How do you tell your friends? How did you tell your friends?

We are on Blue Sky, Instagram, Facebook and LinkedIn. So please do follow, like, share and comment. Please also sign up to our newsletter at InflammatoryArthritis.org is the website and we are Inflammatory Arthritis UK and you’ll get up to date information on our episodes, IA news, any events and research as well. We are actually having a break next week because it’s half term. We need to probably spend a bit of time with our families if they want to or not.

Katy: It’s tough.

Debbie: So until, you never know, they might, but until then, it’s goodbye.

Katy: Goodbye.

Cat: Bye.

Summary

In this episode of Inflammatory, Debbie and Katy are joined by Katy’s close friend Cat for an honest and heartfelt conversation about love, friendship, and living with chronic illness. Together, they reflect on the evolution of their friendship, the realities of navigating inflammatory arthritis, how it felt to see your closest friend physically struggle, and the power of communication, humour, and support. Through shared memories and personal stories, they explore how diagnosis can reshape relationships and why awareness and understanding matter more than ever.

Kep topics:

• The theme of the month is love, friendship, and chronic illness.
• Friendship can evolve from work colleagues to lifelong companions.
• Understanding inflammatory arthritis requires open communication and education.
• Memories from shared experiences can highlight the onset of symptoms.
• Navigating a diagnosis can be challenging without clear communication.
• Chronic illness impacts relationships and requires support from friends.
• Hindsight often reveals what we wish we had known during difficult times.
• Supportive friendships are crucial for those living with chronic illness.
• Celebrating achievements despite challenges is important.
• Continuing the conversation about chronic illness helps raise awareness.

Sound Bites

• “I definitely think fun.”
• “You deal with things with humour.”
• “I think it was quite a shock.”

Connect with us

• Website: inflammatoryarthritis.org
• Newsletter: Sign up on the website
• Socials: BlueSky, Instagram, Facebook, LinkedIn

Disclaimer: Debbie and Katy are not medical professionals. They share personal experiences of living with IA to build connection and community. The podcast is for informational purposes only and is not intended to replace professional medical advice. We talk about our personal health journeys and the podcast is not intended to provide professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. We are not medical professionals and in no way claim to be medically trained. The podcast does not take responsibility for any losses, damages, or liabilities that may arise from the use of the podcast. The podcast does not assume responsibility for the accuracy of third-party content.